Hey Hannah, I liked how you made your story a modern retelling of Sita’s abduction from the Ramayana. I liked the amount of detail you added in your story as it made the story more engaging. Also, I liked how you added details from India, like the tuktuk and banyan trees as it made the story seem more authentic. I wished that we knew who kidnapped Tammy as I was unsure whether it was the prince or someone else. Also, I would like to know why Tammy was kidnapped in the first place. In the Ramayana, Ravana kidnaps Sita because he falls in love with her. Also, you explain in the story that Saleem decided to go and find Tammy in the palace as the prince knows him, but you don’t explain how the prince knows a driver like Saleem. This is something that I would like to get more clarification about. I like how you had Tammy leave with Saleem instead of waiting for Ron. Anyway, overall I though you did a great job!
Hi Hannah, This is a really neat story book. I really dig the aesthetic. It is pretty, but alludes to the topic of the book. On your home page, you could use an introductory blurb. I landed on the home page having no idea what the storybook would be about. The titles didn't help much. I would have liked to have a bit more information about whether I would likely be interested in the content. I did decide to delve in, and ended up really enjoying it. The story felt well-thought out and thorough. It flowed smoothly, and had enough detail to drag you into the world. You can tell that you, the author, has actually been to India. One question I had, though, is how did the prince manage to kidnap Tammy? Especially if she and Ron were sleeping in the same bed together. Wouldn't he have heard her scream? Or felt her flailing? Perhaps she went to the balcony to get some air or something, and got kidnapped then. Or perhaps, to be more accurate to the Ramayana, she could send him out to get something for her, and when he comes back he finds she's missing. Overall, a really good story though.
Hi~ I got about halfway through before I realized why I recognized your story. It's so unique I can't believe I forgot it in the first place! I loved the inclusion of the banyan tree. In my storybook I will write a page that centers around the banyan tree. I think an introduction may be helpful, just to know what to expect from your website and stories. I did find it a little difficult to write my intro before I wrote my stories, so waiting until finishing a few stories is perfectly valid. The level of detail you included is impressive. I wonder if you had another read through though if some unnecessary details could be edited. That would probably help diversify the sentence length too. Also, what if you shifted focus from the development more towards the conclusion? Tie up some loose ends and get the reader ready for the next story. Hopefully this helped a little!
Let me just start off by saying that your website looks really nice. I really like the overall design of it. The pictures that you use are just beautiful.
The Ron and Tammy story is an excellent retelling of the Rama and Sita stories. I really liked the modern take on this ancient story. It's just amazing how still after all this time, the main themes of the stories, what they represent, and the things we can learn from them are still relevant.
I enjoyed your writing style. You are very descriptive and provide great imagery for the reader. One of the things that I would like clarification from the story is knowing how Tammy was kidnapped. I think elaborating on how this happened would make the rescue of Tammy much more meaningful. I really enjoyed the story. I look forward to reading the other stories from the project!
I was never expecting to see characters from “Parks and Rec” show up in this class, wow! It’s interesting to me that you chose that particular pair, since obviously you’re aware of the connection. Their counterparts in the story don’t behave anything like the originals from the show. Still, it’s a fun choice and it certainly made me look twice! In “Ron and Tammy” I would have appreciated a picture of a tuktuk, since I had no idea what that was or looked like.
I liked your Jataka-style adaptation of the “Life in the Forest” segment from the Mahabharata. I was expecting the story to have been your Week 2 Jataka adaptation, and was pleasantly surprised to see that it was actually from the Mahabharata. What happened to the rest of the animals? Did they also get a miracle, or was it only Buttons’ family? (Love the name, by the way.)
I found your stories very intriguing. I liked your image choices for your project. I liked your bunny story, I liked the changes you made to it and thought it was cute. One thing I noticed while reading "The family treated themselves to more than enough food to fill their stomachs and then decided to save the rest for the rest of the week," I found the repetition of "rest" and "rest" really close to each other distracting. Maybe use remaining or some other word choice? I also enjoyed your other story, I liked how you modernized it. I recognized it as a rewrite of a portion of the Ramayana, but I agree that your ending is better and a lot happier. I just wanted to know how Saleem knew he had found Tammy? Because she was obviously an American? But I really enjoyed your stories overall.
Your story was very competently told, I never felt bored, annoyed, frustrated, homicidal, or genocidal! you'd be surprised how rare that is. I just wanted to say that your stories are actually decently well written good job. I do want to say that the story navigation button is a bit frustrating to work with. I think it’s a little too easy to click the wrong page. I will admit that this may be because I'm blackout drunk right now, and coming in and out of consciousness, but it is an improvement that could be made. I think an introductory page explaining your goals would be good to add. I think my favorite part of the rabbit story was the thankfulness and description of the reaction of the rabbits to the food basket. I think that their reactions were fitting and very appropriate to the situation. I hope to see how your work progresses in the future, keep it up!
First, I would like to say your website was very refreshing because the background color is not plain white, so it makes your website different. I also think the design of all the pages are great, however, I think the layout of the navigation bar could be different. For me since there will in theory be a minimum of four pages and maybe a maximum of six pages there is no need for a drop-down bar. I think it is better to just have all the pages have their own link on the homepage in the top corner. Overall, your website looks great.
Now to get into your stories, I thought both of your stories were creative and amusing. In "Ron and Tammy," I thought it was a great move on your part to combine several stories of The Ramayana to create one story. As a reader I have some questions though, did you ever think about including the events leading up to Tammy's kidnapping or did you ever consider including an explanation of why she was kidnapped? I think that since the questions I asked prior were left unanswered the story ended up being a little bit confusing. I loved your second story, "The Basket." It was a super cute story. It kind of reminded me of reading a children's book, such as "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" or other little stories of that nature. I do not have any suggestion for that story. Overall, I thought your stories were entertaining.
Hi Hannah! Your Buttons story was a nice read! It reminded me of the Jakarta tales we read earlier. Both your stories were great and I loved their concept. As for the story, one suggestion I have is expanding on why Tammy was kidnapped. This might give the reader more clarity on what's happening and feel more connected to the story. Sometimes as a writer we think it makes more sense because we have the story in our head. We forget the reader is reading this all for the first time. I know I do this as well. Another would be maybe editing the intro page more. I think the white text is a little hard to read on top of the picture- especially the drop-down link to the stories. Not impossible-but maybe changing the color/size would make it easier. My favorite was the Button story-it was too cute and I liked the message of it. I look forward to reading more!
Hey Hannah, I love your inclusion of outside characters from Parks and Rec (one of my absolute favorite shows). I think your choice to make Ron and Tammy characters like Rama and Sita was interesting because it added a modern component I think a lot of people would enjoy. I think more information about Tammy and her outcome of being kidnapped could be nice as it would add to the story as her character is in turmoil. I think the drop down link as others have mentioned would be a good fix, just to make navigating the website easier, but other than that I think you have done a great job thus far on your stories, and I am very interested to see more from you. I think you have opened yourself up to be able to incorporate a lot of modern characters and situations which could really be interesting!
Hey Hannah! The first thing that caught my eye when I clicked on the link to your project was the story title "Ron and Tammy." It would be an understatement to say I was excited to read your story. I think summarizing the story of Sita being captured by Ravana was smart. I enjoyed the amount of detail you poured into your story. I also liked that you added personal details from your trip to India. I wanted to ask you why you chose the names Ron and Tammy? Was it maybe because you were watching Parks and needed insporation? I think maybe if you build on this story in the future you could bring the toxic relationship of Ron and Tammy from Parks and Rec into your story and blend the two worlds. I look forward to reading more of your work!
Let me just say, your portfolio looks absolutely gorgeous and is extremely appealing to the eye! I loved the cool toned vibes with the home page banner adding a pop of color but not being overbearing. It was just right. I have never really watched Parks and Rec, but have seen enough to understand the relation. It was extremely clever and you did an outstanding job at relating your story back to the original. The first thing that came to mind when reading your story, was that it reminded me of scenes from the Taken movie series. I felt the anxiety and worry that Ron felt when he could not find his wife. I think anyone one in that position would be panicking. Some suggestions I would offer is to maybe add on more description of events that happened prior to the kidnapping. Maybe you could talk about how all day they felt like someone was watching them but did not say anything because there were tourists all around and they were being paranoid. I think there are some areas you could also add more description of emotions and behavior of characters to really drive home the events taking place. Overall, great story and I look forward to reading more.
WWW Comment: Hey Hannah, I love how you adapted the story from the Mahabharata into a more modern medium. Also, I loved the name of the main character; it was absolutely adorable. Also, I like the amount of detail that you had in your story. It made the story much more engaging. If I had to criticize the story, I would say maybe add some dialogue to your story. I do this for my own stories and I find that this add so much to the story and allows the audience into the character’s mind and what they are thinking. It also helps with the flow of the story as well. Also, maybe adding an image on the actually storyboards would be very nice. It would help the audience visualize the characters and how they look like. Overall, I really enjoyed reading you story and I am looking forward to reading more of your stories.
Hey Hannah, I had a good chuckle when I saw the title Ron and Tammy. I must admit, I immediately wondered if your character was going to be modelled after Tammy One or Tammy Two. Then I read your story and questioned whether you had watched Parks and Rec enough to know the character’s you were adopting for your story. Ron Swanson could never be bothered to travel unless it involved only one thing: his favorite scotch. Ron also has only cried twice. Once when he was seven and hit by a school bus and the other time when Li’l Sebastian died. Moreover, Tammy One would have never needed rescuing and Tammy Two would have destroyed Ron well before their tenth anniversary. In short, the characters you chose, as funny as they are on parks and Rec, are rather sardonic and narrow in their mindset; albeit Ron is a redeemable character. I say all this not to be critical but to note that the risk of using established characters in a story mashup can lend to the ease of story telling if the character’s personalities are well matched to the story you are telling. I really like your story titled Ron and Tammy. The storytelling is concise without sacrificing its descriptive narrative. It is an interesting and well executed contemporary adaptation of two separate parts of the Ramayana. It just needs to be a character couple who actually loves one another. That is not Ron and Tammy.
Hi Hannah! Great work on your storybook! It seems like you have everything almost finished! I like your website design a whole lot. When you first get there you are greeted by a huge picture that instantly makes me think of a beautiful Indian village. I am not sure if that is what you were going for, but if it was great job! I would recommend adding an introduction about what the stories will be about. It would really help anyone coming to the site get a quick jist of what is going on. I would recommend making your titles more uniform. If they all share a common theme it will help tie your whole page together very masterfully. My last main idea would be to beef up the story about Grace. It seems a bit short compared to the other stories I have been seeing. Overall great job and good luck with the rest of the class!
Hi Hannah! I thought you did a great job at writing your stories! I think you’re a really good writer. With that being said, I thought you used paragraphs effectively to help readers navigate through your project. You also did a good job at spacing out the dialogue and emphasizing the role of each person in your story. Instead of having it jumbled together, you separated it from the rest of the stories. Furthermore, good job on that. Another thing you did well was that the paragraphs helped pace my reading and follow the flow of the story. I really enjoyed reading your stories. I thought that you also did a good job at writing up your author’s notes. You were able to write about the original story and then tell the readers how you changed it up in your own version. Moreover, I liked how were detailed on what you changed.
Hey Hannah,
ReplyDeleteI liked how you made your story a modern retelling of Sita’s abduction from the Ramayana. I liked the amount of detail you added in your story as it made the story more engaging. Also, I liked how you added details from India, like the tuktuk and banyan trees as it made the story seem more authentic. I wished that we knew who kidnapped Tammy as I was unsure whether it was the prince or someone else. Also, I would like to know why Tammy was kidnapped in the first place. In the Ramayana, Ravana kidnaps Sita because he falls in love with her. Also, you explain in the story that Saleem decided to go and find Tammy in the palace as the prince knows him, but you don’t explain how the prince knows a driver like Saleem. This is something that I would like to get more clarification about. I like how you had Tammy leave with Saleem instead of waiting for Ron. Anyway, overall I though you did a great job!
Hi Hannah,
ReplyDeleteThis is a really neat story book. I really dig the aesthetic. It is pretty, but alludes to the topic of the book. On your home page, you could use an introductory blurb. I landed on the home page having no idea what the storybook would be about. The titles didn't help much. I would have liked to have a bit more information about whether I would likely be interested in the content. I did decide to delve in, and ended up really enjoying it. The story felt well-thought out and thorough. It flowed smoothly, and had enough detail to drag you into the world. You can tell that you, the author, has actually been to India. One question I had, though, is how did the prince manage to kidnap Tammy? Especially if she and Ron were sleeping in the same bed together. Wouldn't he have heard her scream? Or felt her flailing? Perhaps she went to the balcony to get some air or something, and got kidnapped then. Or perhaps, to be more accurate to the Ramayana, she could send him out to get something for her, and when he comes back he finds she's missing. Overall, a really good story though.
Hi~
ReplyDeleteI got about halfway through before I realized why I recognized your story. It's so unique I can't believe I forgot it in the first place! I loved the inclusion of the banyan tree. In my storybook I will write a page that centers around the banyan tree.
I think an introduction may be helpful, just to know what to expect from your website and stories. I did find it a little difficult to write my intro before I wrote my stories, so waiting until finishing a few stories is perfectly valid. The level of detail you included is impressive. I wonder if you had another read through though if some unnecessary details could be edited. That would probably help diversify the sentence length too. Also, what if you shifted focus from the development more towards the conclusion? Tie up some loose ends and get the reader ready for the next story. Hopefully this helped a little!
Hello Hannah,
ReplyDeleteLet me just start off by saying that your website looks really nice. I really like the overall design of it. The pictures that you use are just beautiful.
The Ron and Tammy story is an excellent retelling of the Rama and Sita stories. I really liked the modern take on this ancient story. It's just amazing how still after all this time, the main themes of the stories, what they represent, and the things we can learn from them are still relevant.
I enjoyed your writing style. You are very descriptive and provide great imagery for the reader. One of the things that I would like clarification from the story is knowing how Tammy was kidnapped. I think elaborating on how this happened would make the rescue of Tammy much more meaningful. I really enjoyed the story. I look forward to reading the other stories from the project!
Hi Hannah,
ReplyDeleteI was never expecting to see characters from “Parks and Rec” show up in this class, wow! It’s interesting to me that you chose that particular pair, since obviously you’re aware of the connection. Their counterparts in the story don’t behave anything like the originals from the show. Still, it’s a fun choice and it certainly made me look twice! In “Ron and Tammy” I would have appreciated a picture of a tuktuk, since I had no idea what that was or looked like.
I liked your Jataka-style adaptation of the “Life in the Forest” segment from the Mahabharata. I was expecting the story to have been your Week 2 Jataka adaptation, and was pleasantly surprised to see that it was actually from the Mahabharata. What happened to the rest of the animals? Did they also get a miracle, or was it only Buttons’ family? (Love the name, by the way.)
Best,
A.M.
I found your stories very intriguing. I liked your image choices for your project. I liked your bunny story, I liked the changes you made to it and thought it was cute. One thing I noticed while reading "The family treated themselves to more than enough food to fill their stomachs and then decided to save the rest for the rest of the week," I found the repetition of "rest" and "rest" really close to each other distracting. Maybe use remaining or some other word choice? I also enjoyed your other story, I liked how you modernized it. I recognized it as a rewrite of a portion of the Ramayana, but I agree that your ending is better and a lot happier. I just wanted to know how Saleem knew he had found Tammy? Because she was obviously an American? But I really enjoyed your stories overall.
ReplyDeleteYour story was very competently told, I never felt bored, annoyed, frustrated, homicidal, or genocidal! you'd be surprised how rare that is. I just wanted to say that your stories are actually decently well written good job. I do want to say that the story navigation button is a bit frustrating to work with. I think it’s a little too easy to click the wrong page. I will admit that this may be because I'm blackout drunk right now, and coming in and out of consciousness, but it is an improvement that could be made. I think an introductory page explaining your goals would be good to add.
ReplyDeleteI think my favorite part of the rabbit story was the thankfulness and description of the reaction of the rabbits to the food basket. I think that their reactions were fitting and very appropriate to the situation. I hope to see how your work progresses in the future, keep it up!
Howdy Hannah,
ReplyDeleteFirst, I would like to say your website was very refreshing because the background color is not plain white, so it makes your website different. I also think the design of all the pages are great, however, I think the layout of the navigation bar could be different. For me since there will in theory be a minimum of four pages and maybe a maximum of six pages there is no need for a drop-down bar. I think it is better to just have all the pages have their own link on the homepage in the top corner. Overall, your website looks great.
Now to get into your stories, I thought both of your stories were creative and amusing. In "Ron and Tammy," I thought it was a great move on your part to combine several stories of The Ramayana to create one story. As a reader I have some questions though, did you ever think about including the events leading up to Tammy's kidnapping or did you ever consider including an explanation of why she was kidnapped? I think that since the questions I asked prior were left unanswered the story ended up being a little bit confusing. I loved your second story, "The Basket." It was a super cute story. It kind of reminded me of reading a children's book, such as "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" or other little stories of that nature. I do not have any suggestion for that story. Overall, I thought your stories were entertaining.
Hi Hannah! Your Buttons story was a nice read! It reminded me of the Jakarta tales we read earlier. Both your stories were great and I loved their concept. As for the story, one suggestion I have is expanding on why Tammy was kidnapped. This might give the reader more clarity on what's happening and feel more connected to the story. Sometimes as a writer we think it makes more sense because we have the story in our head. We forget the reader is reading this all for the first time. I know I do this as well. Another would be maybe editing the intro page more. I think the white text is a little hard to read on top of the picture- especially the drop-down link to the stories. Not impossible-but maybe changing the color/size would make it easier. My favorite was the Button story-it was too cute and I liked the message of it. I look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteHey Hannah, I love your inclusion of outside characters from Parks and Rec (one of my absolute favorite shows). I think your choice to make Ron and Tammy characters like Rama and Sita was interesting because it added a modern component I think a lot of people would enjoy. I think more information about Tammy and her outcome of being kidnapped could be nice as it would add to the story as her character is in turmoil. I think the drop down link as others have mentioned would be a good fix, just to make navigating the website easier, but other than that I think you have done a great job thus far on your stories, and I am very interested to see more from you. I think you have opened yourself up to be able to incorporate a lot of modern characters and situations which could really be interesting!
ReplyDeleteHey Hannah!
ReplyDeleteThe first thing that caught my eye when I clicked on the link to your project was the story title "Ron and Tammy." It would be an understatement to say I was excited to read your story. I think summarizing the story of Sita being captured by Ravana was smart. I enjoyed the amount of detail you poured into your story. I also liked that you added personal details from your trip to India. I wanted to ask you why you chose the names Ron and Tammy? Was it maybe because you were watching Parks and needed insporation? I think maybe if you build on this story in the future you could bring the toxic relationship of Ron and Tammy from Parks and Rec into your story and blend the two worlds.
I look forward to reading more of your work!
Hannah,
ReplyDeleteLet me just say, your portfolio looks absolutely gorgeous and is extremely appealing to the eye! I loved the cool toned vibes with the home page banner adding a pop of color but not being overbearing. It was just right. I have never really watched Parks and Rec, but have seen enough to understand the relation. It was extremely clever and you did an outstanding job at relating your story back to the original. The first thing that came to mind when reading your story, was that it reminded me of scenes from the Taken movie series. I felt the anxiety and worry that Ron felt when he could not find his wife. I think anyone one in that position would be panicking. Some suggestions I would offer is to maybe add on more description of events that happened prior to the kidnapping. Maybe you could talk about how all day they felt like someone was watching them but did not say anything because there were tourists all around and they were being paranoid. I think there are some areas you could also add more description of emotions and behavior of characters to really drive home the events taking place. Overall, great story and I look forward to reading more.
WWW Comment:
ReplyDeleteHey Hannah,
I love how you adapted the story from the Mahabharata into a more modern medium. Also, I loved the name of the main character; it was absolutely adorable. Also, I like the amount of detail that you had in your story. It made the story much more engaging. If I had to criticize the story, I would say maybe add some dialogue to your story. I do this for my own stories and I find that this add so much to the story and allows the audience into the character’s mind and what they are thinking. It also helps with the flow of the story as well. Also, maybe adding an image on the actually storyboards would be very nice. It would help the audience visualize the characters and how they look like. Overall, I really enjoyed reading you story and I am looking forward to reading more of your stories.
Hey Hannah,
ReplyDeleteI had a good chuckle when I saw the title Ron and Tammy. I must admit, I immediately wondered if your character was going to be modelled after Tammy One or Tammy Two. Then I read your story and questioned whether you had watched Parks and Rec enough to know the character’s you were adopting for your story. Ron Swanson could never be bothered to travel unless it involved only one thing: his favorite scotch. Ron also has only cried twice. Once when he was seven and hit by a school bus and the other time when Li’l Sebastian died. Moreover, Tammy One would have never needed rescuing and Tammy Two would have destroyed Ron well before their tenth anniversary. In short, the characters you chose, as funny as they are on parks and Rec, are rather sardonic and narrow in their mindset; albeit Ron is a redeemable character. I say all this not to be critical but to note that the risk of using established characters in a story mashup can lend to the ease of story telling if the character’s personalities are well matched to the story you are telling. I really like your story titled Ron and Tammy. The storytelling is concise without sacrificing its descriptive narrative. It is an interesting and well executed contemporary adaptation of two separate parts of the Ramayana. It just needs to be a character couple who actually loves one another. That is not Ron and Tammy.
Hi Hannah! Great work on your storybook! It seems like you have everything almost finished! I like your website design a whole lot. When you first get there you are greeted by a huge picture that instantly makes me think of a beautiful Indian village. I am not sure if that is what you were going for, but if it was great job! I would recommend adding an introduction about what the stories will be about. It would really help anyone coming to the site get a quick jist of what is going on. I would recommend making your titles more uniform. If they all share a common theme it will help tie your whole page together very masterfully. My last main idea would be to beef up the story about Grace. It seems a bit short compared to the other stories I have been seeing. Overall great job and good luck with the rest of the class!
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteHi Hannah! I thought you did a great job at writing your stories! I think you’re a really good writer. With that being said, I thought you used paragraphs effectively to help readers navigate through your project. You also did a good job at spacing out the dialogue and emphasizing the role of each person in your story. Instead of having it jumbled together, you separated it from the rest of the stories. Furthermore, good job on that. Another thing you did well was that the paragraphs helped pace my reading and follow the flow of the story.
I really enjoyed reading your stories. I thought that you also did a good job at writing up your author’s notes. You were able to write about the original story and then tell the readers how you changed it up in your own version. Moreover, I liked how were detailed on what you changed.